Writing a research paper for my first International Conference Presentation

I am terrified. I am overwhelmed. I am self-doubting and I don't know where to begin. I HAVE to get my paper written so I can move on with the rest of my life. But what if it's silly and doesn't make sense?

Writing impotency holds me captive. Thoughts of being inferior terrorize me...and then finally after admitting my fears, the voice of reason kicks in.

FEAR is an acronym for two things: False Evidence Appearing Real, and /or Face Everything and Rise. I prefer the latter so I am facing my false evidences, the stinking little voices of imposter syndrome, and owning my vulnerability so I can rise strong.

As most parents of toddlers experiencing night terrors are aware, once fears are articulated, they tend to flee. And so, I publicly admit my day-and-night-terror. I am terrified. I admitted it yesterday to my two new PhD supervisors who supportively passed it off as humility and encouraged me to just write.

I have been searching for the right start - the best sentence to grab attention and keep my audience engaged. I learned with my TEDx talk that starting with a joke is not always appreciated by everyone as they have a different sense of humour and understanding of the English language to what I do. Add to that, my pants slipped down during the talk (I kid you not!). Is it any wonder terror has visited me again around presenting to an international audience!

Pushing my own experiences to the back and thinking of the audience's needs, what THEY need from my presentation, is what has switched my neurons back on. I will use their words to open because mine are like scared little ants running in opposite directions given they don't know what else to do. 

Going back to the data and choosing a participant quote that is a key take away from the research is how I am going to start. That now starts a new dilemma of ineptitude - which one because they are all so rich!!!!!!

Oh, the perils of choice when presenting at an international conference!!!!!!! Are you aware that part of the definition of poverty is the inability to make choices? Therefore, given the richness of my data, I am wealthy of choice. I am grateful for support and the freedom to be my authentic self.

👵🏻 Megan Bayliss: Social work supervisor.

👩🏻‍🎓 PhD candidate: social and cultural resistance to the status quo.