Resisting the urge to run and hide equals vulnerability

Today as I vulnerably await an outcome on my research ethics application that uses online book clubs as both methodology and method, I have read a couple of articles on resistance, psychoeducation and craftivism. The articles make clear that resistance, activism and advocacy fall on a continuum; that protest is not binary.

This means we all resist and protest in different ways given our interests, values, experiences, goals and intersectionality. I have been the placard-holding, chant-yelling protester in the past. These days I much prefer craftivism and using yarnbombing to send a public message. The Yarn Bombing group I started in Babinda, FNQ, still exists, although they appear to use it as a social cohesion and community building activity rather than a social messaging group.

Reading as an act of resistance to the status quo is the core of my thesis. Understanding that some readers only read authors like themselves, or authors who hold a similar mindset was a learning for me. The discovery of author Azar Nafisi (Read Dangerously) was balm to my soul. Azar proposes wide reading so that you know what your opposition thinks, believes and values. She speaks of genocidal survival through reading: Jews during the time of Concentration Camps; Women during the time of the Ayatollahs. She enters political culture by suggesting that reading as a protest against politicians and traditional intellectuals teaches us how to deal with the enemy. 

Reading does not necessarily lead to direct political action, but it fosters a mindset that questions and doubts; that is not content with the establishment or the established.

Nafisi, 2022. P. 5

No matter the form or medium of protest and resistance that I have read about, vulnerability is a core component. Defending something that we value/believe/love takes a degree of vulnerability - a laying bare of ourselves to attack, ridicule and exposure to those who think differently.

Popular psychology author, Brene Brown, defines vulnerability as 

...the emotion that we experience during times of uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure...it is not winning or losing. It's having the courage to show up when you can't control the outcome.  Brown 2018. Pp 19-20.

Brown also advocates that creativity cannot happen without vulnerability. Further, she espouses creativity as a form of protest and a guidepost for living a life aligned with your values (wholehearted living). Is it any wonder then that creative forms of resistance to the status quo can be personally dangerous and stimulating of our limbic system (the brain part that reacts as flight, fight or freeze and does the maintenance of survival rather than engaging higher thinking)

Putting these theoretical concepts together, is it any wonder I want to run away today. Awaiting the outcome of my ethics application leaves me academically exposed, thinking I am in a risky situation, and feeling uncertain. I am vulnerable emotionally and time wise. If my ethics is rejected, I have to wait another two months to submit. If my application is returned with conditional recommendations, I can start advertising my book clubs as soon as I meet the conditions. If I get the go ahead, I have a wee bit of web site work to complete and then I can start advertising online book clubs over the Easter break.

People react to vulnerable and stressful situations in different ways: fight, flight or freeze. Normally I am a fighter but today my flight gene is activated. Instead I froze myself to my office and read. In reading articles of interest to my PhD study I have activated my fight back response - my resistance to wanting to flee.

I share this not only as part of my research dairy but also to normalise the vulnerability around the wait of finding out your research meets ethical standards. It is now time for me to walk the dog and chill out while I let the process be. I am going to have to wait for an outcome but I'll be reading and writing during that wait because nothing is going to interrupt me from getting this job done.

👵🏼 Megan Bayliss. Social Worker

👩🏼‍🎓 PhD Candidate: Social and Cultural resistance to the Status Quo

References

Brown, B (2018). Dare to Lead. Vermillion. London

Brown, B (2020). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden: Minnesota

Babinda Yarn Bombers. [Facebook page] Facebook. Retrieved 2024, April 27.  https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100064777833670 

Moreshead, A., & Salter, A. (2023). Knitting the in_visible: data-driven craftivism as feminist resistance. Journal of Gender Studies, 32(8), 875–886. https://doi.org/10.1080/09589236.2023.2258068 

Nafisi, A (2022). Read Dangerously. Dey St: New York

Sanders‐Bustle, L. (2022). Negotiating the Art of Protest through Craftivism. The International Journal of Art & Design Education, 41(3), 427–445. https://doi.org/10.1111/jade.12421 

Watfern, C., Macdonald, G., Elliot, M., Stone, L., Gilmore, I., Wallace, S., Tecson, M., Turk, N., Bingham, P., Mears, J., Dadich, A., Doran, B., & Boydell, K. (2024). Craftivism as Inquiry: Holding Life’s Threads. Qualitative Report, 29(1), 0_1-205. https://doi.org/10.46743/2160-3715/2024.6007