Death and dashes: Observations of PhD disruptions.

Life can be so confronting. Hurtful. Fleeting. Hard. Doing a PhD does not make you immune. Life still gets in the way and needs dealing with....and life can change because of it.

It is sobering to reflect on what has happened since my confirmation of candidature, where I announced to the world that my PhD topic is on challenging the status quo by researching how and why folk use Brene Brown's books following a life changing experience.

It seems it's not just nosey google that listens in! The universe does too!!!!! Since that day of global announcement, life has smacked ME in the gut BIG TIME twice and to a lesser degree twice. Both BIG TIME times were as hard as the other and had the potential to negatively effect my research. But they only dented it and never ceased it. The lesser degree times are stones in my shoe; uncomfortable and confronting; interfering and discombobulating, but the pebbles are just intrusive thoughts while navigating the PhD requirements.

During all of this, the words of my supervisor, Professor Tara Brabazon rang in my ears:

Touch your PhD every Day. Research shows that those who do a little every day finish.

And so I did. I engaged a multimodal method of information collection...because there were days I could not walk into my office where reminders of life's cruelness were. 

Throughout a marriage crisis, a sudden death of a family member, a career insult and a potential move; throughout the days when I just wanted the world to slow down and let me sleep, I still touched my PhD by reading something, writing something, listening to something, or working on my data collection website. I watched YouTube videos on my theorists. I listened to the words of my theorists or books about them on Audible as I walked the dog or walked around the house for exercise. I listened to Podcasts and I read Brene Brown again not just for research but to sooth my soul.

I touched, and retouched my PhD every single day....including on weekends.

I flew to Perth for my brother in law's funeral and got to spend time with my industry partner, Typeface Books. There I accessed potential new cohorts for my data collection. I searched new-to-me book stores for where Brene Brown titles were placed. I searched for Brene Brown titles in second hand shops (nothing).

Throughout the fears, the tears, and the cheers, I reflected deeply on my dash - a concept born of a poem by Linda Ellis and a central tenant to my methodology. My dash was made raw against the public reflections of my brother in law's very successful work and private life. 

Imagining myself in his place, I wondered what would be said about me at my funeral - what would the dash between my date of birth and death reveal to others about me. Would they say I mattered; that I cared about others? That I made a difference to the world and to my family?

The above video is something I recorded three years ago for an online course I developed. The Dash has always been an important teaching tool for me and I am thrilled to use it as a methodological probe at book club.

If you have ever faced a life changing experience, not just death but anything that made you examine your life or your dash, then I would welcome you to take part in my PhD research. You must be over the age of 18 and have read a Brene Brown title sometime after the life changing event. More information and to register here. 

To finish, I ask you to drop your answer below: What's in YOUR dash?

👵🏼 Megan Bayliss. Social Work supervisor

👩🏼‍🎓 PhD candidate: social and cultural resistance to the status quo.

References

Ellis, L (nd ) The Dash Poem. Linda Ellis.  https://lindaellis.life/the-dash-poem