How to confidently build up the contagious and sexy miracle of feeling optimistic

Are you one of my type of people? The sort that finds optimism super sexy....and highly contagious?

They say you become the sum of the five people you hang around with the most. So, move over Sad Sack and make room for Optimistic Olly.

The majority of people don't like to hang around negative and depressed people. They are hard work and sap the energy from their friends.

The negative one's often get sent to counsellors because we have the skills to help the negative one make different choices about their reactions: we use Skills Training to help shift negative views.

And there is the first lesson in how to confidently build up the contagious and sexy miracle of optimism:

1. Optimism is a choice. There is always more than one way to view anything. Diversity of thought is a corner stone of optimism. To take a seemingly negative situation and to see the best outcome takes practice and the ability to choose. Part of the definition of poverty is the inability to make choices. Stuff being negative AND in poverty so make choices NOT to be negative and then you also free yourself from poverty of choice! It's a no-brainer. In the Very Well Mind, Elizabeth Scott suggests using cognitive restructuring the help choose optimism: 
   
   ...help yourself and others become more optimistic by consciously challenging negative, self-limiting thinking and replacing it with more optimistic thought patterns.

    The process of cognitive restructuring involves a few different steps:

    

   1. Identify the situations that are triggering negative thoughts or moods.

   2. Assess how you are feeling in the moment.

   3. Identify the negative thoughts that you are having in response to the situation.

   4. Look at the evidence to either support or refute your negative thoughts.

   5. Focus on the objective facts, and replace automatic negative thoughts with more positive, realistic ones.

2. Become more mindful: Mindfulness is all about committing to and focusing on the here and now. Pay attention to the things that keep you focused on what is happening right here and right now - they are a clue to what breeds optimism and enjoyment in you. A walk for me clues my mind up to look at the changes in the trees: leaves, flowers and birds. I become highly mindful of my immediate surrounds. For my husband it is a cup of coffee and a chat with a friend - he is hooked right into that person and everything else in his work world ceases to exist.
   
   
3. Practice gratitude: Every day pick three things that you are grateful for and say them aloud or write them down. I am grateful for running water. I am grateful for electricity. I am grateful that I have a doona to sleep under on cold nights. Studies support that people who practice gratitude are more resilient and optimistic.
   
   
4. Increase emotional intelligence: Identify and name feelings. Emotions, feelings and moods are different. Emotions are a chemical released from our major organs; feelings are the embodiment of those emotions (butterflies in the stomach; blood runs hot/cold; sweaty palms, etc.); moods are caught feelings that have never been worked through. So, move away from being a moody pessimist by identifying, naming and expressing your feelings. If you need help with the expressing part, I have a freebie Formula for Clear Communication you can get here.
   
   
5. Mind Mantras: these are short positive statements said in the voice of the here and now (i.e., I am well, I am successful, I travel whenever and wherever I want). It is impossible to have two thoughts at the same time so when you catch yourself having a negative or pessimistic though, immediately replace it with a positive mind mantra. But, fair warning, you need to practice your mind mantras frequently or you will be unable to instantly remember them when you need them to replace old thinking habits.
   
   
6. Hold a positive vision in your mind of what your future holds. Use all five senses to vividly imagine and mind-live your highest vision for your future. If you dream of being wealthy, peaceful, successful, on TV, whatever, imagine it in your mind as though it is really happening. Daydream on it frequently. This places you into a positive mindset that feels good and helps build resilience and subtle moves toward a positive outlook in all aspects of your life.
   
   
7. Flip your thinking. This is my favourite one. If you can flip house and furniture to make money, you can damn well flip your thinking to increase your self-value and self-worth. My darling girlfriend, a sustainable florist in Hobart, Tasmania (Farm Gate Flowers), has always told me that I am great at reframing things. All I do it I look at a situation and flip the current thinking of it. If someone is telling me that their life is totally shit, I flip to find the things that are least shit and work out how to increase them, or, I ask the person in front of me to consider the opposite. I merely reframe the situation to give the other person a different view to consider.

Optimism is both a noun and a feeling (optimistic). The beauty of knowing this is that as a feeling, it is contagious. That means when we are around optimistic people, we catch it. 

It is therefore vitally important when you try to confidentially build-up your optimism that you 1) hang around places that make you feel good, and 2) hang out with optimistic people.

Optimism is in you! Stop looking outside of the box for the answers, EVERYTHING you need to become more optimistic is already inside your cube of knowledge.

Till next we speak, don't be square, be cube (a square has four flat sides; a cube has depth and six interactive sides).