How post traumatic growth saved me from a debilitating STD

It was devastating.

I was solemnly invited into a private room and asked to take a seat.

I knew something wasn't quite right and I jokingly asked if I had won the lottery. 

He said, "Hasn't your husband told you?"

My husband didn't tell me anything: He left; Found God; Moved in with another woman; Changed his name by Deed Pole.

The kids and I were broken.

We packed up and moved town. Their Dad and I tried to fix things once I was in the new town (alone, full time working and with all 6 kids) but it didn't work. Since then we had stopped communicating (mostly so I didn't explode at him - I was sooooooo angry).

The bank Manager didn't pull any punches,

"Megan, we've frozen your accounts because he has declared himself bankrupt."

My breath stopped. All I heard was "frozen your accounts."

And so my life with an STD began: Sexually Transmitted Debt. Joint debt. Debt with two names on it. Debt you carry because you are in a loving and trusting relationship with someone.

Love runs out! Well, it sure did that day!

I copped the lot. Houses, car, business furnishings, credit cards. The lot. Just because my name was on it. Sexually Transmitted Debt.

My legal advice was to immediately declare myself bankrupt. An ignorant and proud me said, "NEVER!"

Instead, I sold both houses for a song and sold everything else I owned - everything: beds, cutlery, toys, you get the drift.

You see, the Bank gave me only 30 days to consolidate the debt. I couldn't so they gave me another 30 days.

It was a night mare. I would come home from my well paid Federal Government job and there would be a Bailiff or Collection Agency waiting for me.

I was stressed. I was scared. I was broken.

A good job, I had. Money I had not. Everything went to sorting out the STD that I developed after marriage end and before divorce settlements began. He got nothing, by the way. I got his debt.

It took me 10 years to pay out the remainder of the STD after everything was sold. The deficit wasn't huge but it was like a pesky infection that just wouldn't go away even with the best antibiotics.

Funny thing is, after paying the STD out, I did end up bankrupt. I had nothing left to give: I was exhausted and needed rest, simplicity and healing.

In my mind, I thought I would never recover from the hurt, the betrayal and the violation.

But I did, I had post traumatic growth. Now I own a house, a car, a commercial block of four shops and I have savings.

I did recover and grow. This is how:

The biggest thing I learnt throughout all of this is that the best lessons come from rock bottom and not the mountain tops.

My broken made me fixed.

My broken led to me meeting the wonderful man I am now married to. My pride had previously prevented me asking for help...until I was on my knees desperate for free advice and help (he's an accountant).

My broken forced me to learn about money and how it works, what contracts actually mean and how to ensure that nobody ever fucks me over financially again.

I learned the importance of emergency accounts and ALWAYS having a bank account in your own name. 

I learned that saving money is as good as making money. When you do both you are on a winning streak.

I learned that wealth creation consists of three things:

1. A long term vision (I had to find myself again and work out what I wanted from life)
2. The ability to delay gratification
3. Pay yourself minimum 10% into YOUR savings account BEFORE you pay anything else.

I learned that life does go on and that broken hearts heal.

I learned that many people are not aware of Sexually Transmitted Debt and that my story is helpful to those who need to hear it.

If you are one that needs to hear it, then I hope that this post gives you some glimmer of hope that there is life after divorce and bankruptcy.

Till next we speak, don't be square, be cube (a square has four flat sides; a cube has depth and six interactive sides).   Megan